2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP: FIFA Fraud

JOHANNESBURG. ‘Fingers’ Blatter, the shadowy head of an international money-making syndicate known as ‘Feefa’, says he is pleased with the final preparations ahead of the start of his latest caper, codenamed Operation Rob The Gullible Darkies Blind While Convincing Them This Was Their Idea, also known as the World Cup. “Eeeexcellent,” murmured Blatter stroking his pet iguana.

Forensic investigators suggest that once the month-long heist is complete, Blatter and his international gang will have made off with around $2-billion in profit, while its victims – the South African taxpayer – will be around $1-billion poorer.

“It’s a brilliant scheme,” explained lead investigator Papertrail Nyanda.

“South Africa spends about $4-billion, of which it will recoup about $2.7-billion. Either way, Fingers and his gang walk away with their two billion.

“In other words, the South African government is suckered into burning $1.3 billion it doesn’t have to create a massive smokescreen behind which Fingers and the lads make their getaway.

“It’s money for nothing and the chicks for free.”

Meanwhile Blatter confirmed that Operation Rob The Gullible Darkies Blind While Convincing Them This Was Their Idea was on track for a smooth execution later this week.

“The amazing thing is that they still don’t suspect anything,” he chortled, tossing chocolate raisins to his iguana, Danny Jordaan.

“They think it’s about football, the poor bumpkins!”

He said none of the expected hitches had occurred.

“We weren’t sure how we were going to get the loot out of the country undetected,” he said. “But then they changed the laws of the Republic and made my guys exempt from tax laws and exchange controls.

“Short of actually being accomplices they couldn’t have been nicer.”

Meanwhile the government is adamant that hosting the World Cup was the right thing to do, despite half the country being unemployed and a third living in abject poverty.

“Yes, we could have used that R40-billion to build 700,000 RDP houses,” said spokesman Circus Maximus Magubane.

“But if we had done that then Wayne Rooney would never have come here and actually touched us.

“I am never washing my hand again, ever.”

Meanwhile five million South Africans have also confirmed that they will not be washing their hands again, ever, largely because they do not have access to clean running water. 

(written by Hayibo!)

2010 SOCCER WORLD CUP recap

Just a week since the long awaited soccer world cup began, and a lot of drama has ensued since.
The opening concert started things off with a bang, Alicia Keys gracing our stages with love child in belly!
Angelique Kidjo and John Legend did a duet of the Amstel Advert song, it was great!
The Blk Jax revived the crowd with the Joina Umzabalazo song.
Shakira was a showstopper lip-syncing She wolf and Waka Waka, her hips didnt lie, though.

We woke up to the sad news of the passing of Mandela's great granddaughter in a one car crash, isnt karma just a bitch. The sins of the father are indeed visited upon his next generation.
It didnt dampen the spirits as the vuvuzela were the only audible sounds in the streets, and a sea of golden Bafana shirts.
And the boys didnt dissapoint, drawing 1-1 with Mexico on the opening match at Soccer city. Our hopes rode high, as we foresaw Bafana Bafana lifting the world cup trophy.

But it wasnt to be, as our dreams were dashed by the Swiss referee, Busacca.
During the S.A vs Uruguay match, the referee made the worst decision in world cup history by giving a red card to goalkeeper, Itumeleng Khune, leaving only 10 players in the field. Uruguay proceeded to win the match with a 3-0 score.


CAPE TOWN. I knew that this Swiss referee Busacca was an agent, so I conducted a bit background investigation. Busacca was courting former beauty queen, Jacqui Mofokeng. She turned him down on numerous counts, leaving him jilted and scorned. He swore revenge. Last night he got reveng on Khune, Jacqui's boy toy.
More on www.vuyokaziyonke.blogspot.com


Crossing over to the Hayibo offices, they report:

PRETORIA. Massimo Busacca, the Swiss referee who officiated over Bafana’s loss to Uruguay last night, was said this morning to be “a little tired” after a night spent cowering under his blankets waiting for a machete to split his door open. Soccer pundits have responded that it is probably customary for Busacca to sleep with one eye open as he also appears to referee with only one eye open.

Following South Africa’s decisive 3-0 loss to Uruguay in their second game of the World Cup last night, a nation united by grief has unanimously voted to adopt the Swiss referee as official scapegoat.

“The other option was Diego Forlan,” explained Bafana Supporters’ Association chairperson Revenge Madoda. “But we believe that man has very powerful muti in his alice-band that we don’t want to be messing with.”

Massimo Bussaca, whose name is rumoured to translate into English as ‘Maximum Butt-Sack’, awarded a controversial penalty in the 76th minute after a foul which saw goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune sent off. A lengthy gap ensued, during which time someone in the crowd who once brought on the halftime water-bottles for Kaiser Chiefs volunteered to become the replacement goalie.

“It was really nice of him,” confirmed coach Carlos Parreira. “We weren’t sure if he would fit into Khune’s shoes but as it turns out, they’re both a size ten. So that was a relief.

“And we asked him what he’s doing next Tuesday night, and he said he had plans to go to a braai but he could probably get out of it, so we’re sorted for a keeper for the France match too.”

Large portions of the home crowd began leaving the stands after Uruguayan striker Forlan netted the penalty for Uruguay’s second goal.

They have since been criticised for poor spectator etiquette, but Revenge Madoda explained that this is a misunderstanding of the situation.

“Many of them had arranged to get a lift home with Khune,” he said. “He has a sweet pimped-up kombi and you know what it’s like, when your lift leaves, you have to leave too.”

Since the game, South African police officials have announced that the Swiss referee will be assigned “around-the-clock security”.

“By which we mean that if he agrees to stay in a small holding pen around that big clock in the central courtyard of Sandton Square, no serious harm will come to him,” explained a spokesman.

“If the holding pen happens to have large gaps between the bars, through which a passer-by might want to poke a sharpened stick, or hurl an over-ripe tomato, we probably wouldn’t notice because we’ve got our hands full tracking down FIFA copyright infringements.”

courtesy of hayibo.com