21 January 2011

I wanted to kiss God. I really did!

I wanted to kiss God as we sat together on that bench I'd chosen at the Company Gardens.
I'd gone there to pass time while waiting for Max to arrive with my book (AfroConscious). I chose a bench off the busy part of the gardens, there were the homeless laying on the grass and not many people around.
I had some food I hadn't finished from my lunch with Mariam. I nibbled on it but it was cold by now and unappetising. I closed the container and planned to give it to the homeless.
At the corner of my eye, this man came towards me. I was busy on my fone, checking Facebook. I thought he was passing, but he spoke to me, asked to join me on the bench.
He was tall, dark, handsome, well built and well spoken.
We did the small talk, and then we talked of the homeless condition.

Then the next we discussed my relationship status, which was quite a mess. He asked many involved questions and I have no qualms talking about myself to strangers. He challenged my viewpoints, and offered different insights.

He asked me what I wanted in a man. I said monogamy. He didn't know what the word meant.
I told him I want a faithful man, and that it hurts my feelings when I'm regarded as an Option. Naturally, he had an answer for that too, and made an analogy of when one applies for a work post then is considered for interview.
Then some companies allow you to perform on a probation period to see how one performs. He likened that procedure to relationships.
You have to give one a chance to see how he/she treats you and maybe you will discover that you like this more than you current relationship.

Then we talked about Africa. He's appalled, as a foreigner, at the state blacks live in SOUTH AFRICA. Coming from a different country, he says he had a different view of our country. He could not believe that people stayed in shacks. He says in Zimbabwe you wont find even one person staying in a shack. He stated that Black South Africans had become docile
He told me to be a critical writer in AfroConscious as there are enough entertainment writers out there.

Then Max called, I stood up and said goodbye. I lingered around a bit longer. And he never asked to meet me again, or to take me out, or even ask my number. Then I knew he was God. I walked briskly, and didn't look back to see whether he was still there.
I came out feeling grounded from that solid 2hour conversation, I am grateful!

God comes in many shapes, shades and sizes.
God visited me twice in two successive days. Yesterday his name was Simon from Zambia. And the night before that, he came in the form of Sizathu, and had me questioning my recent actions and what I have been accepting from other people in relationships.

Please, do not accept less that what you are really worth was my lesson!

13 January 2011

Letting go

After I'd gotten my heart bruised, I was dazed and disorientated.
I became a shadow of myself, my voice and emotions trapped within my caged ribs.

We had been 'friends' for a while. I respected him, and had the feeling that it was mutual.

Alas, I got the wrong end of the stick.
I accepted his gracious offer with naiveté.
He was good looking, had the voice of an angel, can you blame me for believing?

I'm shallow, and looks do factor high for me.
Then, I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

I guess I had to go through that experience so that I could wise up to the realities of life and love.
Then, I let go!

II

When I had let go, my eyes gained sight. They followed him around, his personality - large and attractive.

I stood in front of him, we spoke, we gelled, we liked.
He repeated my name several times in the conversation.
I stood up and left, smiling.

Outside the building, he came up behind me as I left. I didn't say NO.

I jumped in, head first. Similar to the way Elizabeth Gilbert (JULIA ROBERTS) describes jumping from her ex husband (BILLY CRUDUP) to the next guy (JAMES FRANCO, so hot).

'like a cartoon, you jump into a tiny cup and you disappear, fully.'

I am Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat Pray Love, and I guess that makes you my James Franco!
Now, I just need a bike, and a Brazilian guy to run me off the road and to fall into love.

I let go. I ditched my expectations, and my set of 'deal-breakers.' I overlooked the differences, and basked in the similarities.

My eyes opened to see past the physical to behold a beautiful soul. Just as in the case of my aforementioned 'friend' whom I thought to be an upstanding guy. Boy, was I wrong about that.

I am unimaginably happy, recognising that I'm at my most vulnerable stage now. I only needed comfort and a little tenderness.

After the pain, the sunshines again.
I still feel love for you, my James Franco. I love you enough to let you go.
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